Tag Archive | transsexual transwoman

It’s That Time of Year

I haven’t done one of these in a long time, but I feel this is probably the time to post what I am thinking. This time of month, a lot of people are gearing up for multiple things here in the United States.  We are just over a week from Thanksgiving, the holiday shopping season is upon us, joy and happiness seems to be fill the minds of Americans.

There is another event that occurs each and every November. Specifically, November 20th, Transgender Day of Remembrance.  It is on this day each year, people gather at vigils across the country and beyond to mourn and to remember those who were killed, for simply being being themselves.

This will be the 5th TDOR (Transgender Day of Remembrance) I will be attending since coming out.  What is most painful to see, the list of murder don’t seem to shrink.  The numbers of those killed year over year on a graph would resemble that of a roller coaster.  One year, we will see murders down.  What follows the next year is the death spikes back up. The hopes that .

I’m personally  saddened by the fact that such a day exists in the first place.  I am saddened because, so many people are killed each year just because someone didn’t understand them or feared them.  These people are killed because of the stigma attached to anyone that is transgender.

Now, I know this isn’t the first time I’ve written on this issue. But, I feel that it’s worth trying to drive home. This community shouldn’t have to live in fear, that on any day, someone may act aggressive towards them, for simply being “different”. According to one article published this week, over 270 trans people were killed this year. Their crime, just being themselves.

When is this madness going to stop?  When will authorities step in and say enough is enough, and start treating these murder cases as a trend of an ongoing issue. How many more men and women have to fear these cases.  When do these assailants get the scapegoats yanked away from them, and they are prosecuted to the full extents of the law?

Issues like this have existed for other members of the LGBT community.  One of the most notable is Matthew Shepherd.  Let’s not forget, this was a gay man, who was killed in, what can presumed, as a premeditated murder. He was killed, simply because he was gay.  This was a murder which received national coverage, and brought attention to the hate crimes that are committed against the gay community.

How many more people need to die before that national coverage comes to the transgender community, and the hate this group of people receive on a regular basis. Sadly, it wasn’t one of the 270 plus people who were killed this year. Sadly, the pessimist in me doesn’t predict that martyr next year either. I can only hope I am wrong.

In the meantime, we must remind the public that transgender people are not all the different. We don’t want to fear the next corner we take is the last one we turn. There is nothing wrong with being friends, lovers, or more with a transperson. And, we really aren’t all the different from anyone else.

Hyprocrites Surrounding ‘What Is Natural’.

Here comes one of the most dreaded questions a transwoman can deal with?   Are you pre-op or post-op.  And of course there are so many people that are fascinated with someone’s genitals.  That alone is a topic that boggles my mind, and might be of a future blog, but for now, I want to focus in on the question, and more importantly people that have a problem with transwomen that get SRS, GRS, GCS, or whatever you may prefer to call the process.

Whenever a trans person is brought up in main stream media, and comments can be made on these content pieces, you will always find some idgit that is stuck on the idea that someone would want their undesired penis converted into a desired vagina.  Often people will state that this is not right, or this is not natural, or what have you.  To those people, I want to present the few things to consider.

Most of the time, comments like this come from men.  That is, cisgender, male identified individuals who could never imagine harming their penis in way.  Furthermore, a lot of those men would most likely be attracted to women and identify as straight.  Now, how many of those men would complain if a woman they are attracted to has breast implants?  I am going to guess not very many, and that would woman would have some eye contact issues with those guys.  If this is the case, those men have become hypocrites.  In one case a woman has desired to enhance her bust, and will most likely leave guys with a small puddle of drool at their feet.  This is considered acceptable in those individuals’ eyes.  On the other hand, there’s a woman that is trying to correct a birth defect where her chromosomes told her body to put her genitals on the outside of her, instead where they belong.  Just because this is something those guys would never consider doing to a body part they are comfortable with, they deem this unacceptable.  How wrong is it to think that way?  I believe it’s quite wrong.  After all, one surgery is no more natural then the other.

Another argument regarding what is natural would be other products that become parts of our lives?  Hair color, food, make-up, push-up bras, bodies with no body hair, shaped eye brows, glasses, braces, medical prescriptions, and many more are all parts of peoples’ lives, and these are NOT natural by any means of imagination.  But surely for corrective purposes; glasses, braces, casts or splints, prescriptions, and more are used to correct an issue with the human body.  These things are not only accepted, but encouraged to correct whatever may be wrong.  Even other surgeries such as an open heart surgery is strong encouraged to fix a broken heart.  Yet a surgery to correct a disfigured genital area is wrong in the eyes of these people.  Make up, hair color, push-up bras, shaving, eye brow trimming/shaping, are also not natural!  But these are done to enhance a person’s appearance and is considered acceptable.  Hell, the food we eat can be processed, grown on commercial farms, or mass produced.  This nourishment is not natural, but again this is acceptable.

S0 unless you are a person who grows/raises their own food, goes not groom, doesn’t use cosmetics, doesn’t use anything beyond herbal remedies that’s recommended by a apothecary, and will not under go any type of surgeries to correct anything that is broken in your body, using the argument that GRS, SRS, GCS is not natural is a hypocritical, piece a garbage that should be thrown out with your McDonald’s food wrappers.

Lastly, if someone considers the surgery to be cosmetic, so be it.  Are you going to live it, most likely not?  So why should you care if someone else finds it necessary?  It doesn’t affect your feeble little life in any way.  That unless you’re too chicken to admit that you can’t do what a post-op transwoman had the proverbial balls to do; be themselves, and get what they want fixed.

Did You Know ‘Insert Comment’?

“Do you see her over there?  Did you know she wasn’t born a she?”

What an odd thing to say, but did you know that happens more often than you think?  It does.  Transgender individuals tend to get this type of statement directed to them on a regular basis.  What could be worse is comments like this might be made by that individual’s friends.

Amazing isn’t it?  Friends and supporters will do this when a transition has gone really well for some people.  It’s still wrangling our born gender into who we are, and despite it not seemly like it, it’s very much the case.  Friends might say to someone how proud they are of how well a transition has gone, how well so-and-so can pass and it’s hard to tell they weren’t born the gender they identify/present as.   When comments like this come up, it can be part of a first interaction between a new person and that trans-person.  Talking about possibly pushing a boulder up a hill.

Some times these conversations have to occur.  The example I will give is with my sister.  She has been involved in a long-term relationship, and things over all are pretty serious.  When she met him and his family, if she spoke about her family, there was her brothers, mom and dad.  Now if family comes up, there is conversation about her brother, sister, mom and dad.  Clearly there was change to someone in the mix, and outing me as trans in that case isn’t under the same circumstance, as meeting someone for the first time.  Now, people that are met I am simply, sister, and everything is harmoniousness.

Another question that may arise from this discussion then is, “Well who should tell ‘new person’ that you’re trans.”

First off, that is up to the transgender person, don’t you think?  Trans-identity can be a rather deep secret for trans-people, and there are some people we just don’t want to know about who we use to try and be.  If we feel that a person should know we are trans, typically we will tell them when we are ready, and it shouldn’t be any other way.  It’s our right to tell someone that about ourselves.

Secondly, who gave anyone else the right to take it upon themselves to possibly make difficulties?  Believe it or not, even if a person is a supporter, and that supporter reveals the trans-identity of someone, that new person that’s being interacted with may not be as understanding.  If trans-person is being treated as the gender we identify as by someone, and suddenly that trans-person is outed, it can change the way they are treated by the people they’ve been interacting with.

My personal experience so far is I know I have been outed, it’s happened right in front of me.  Other times, it has happened behind my back.  Needless to say, when it does, I grit my teeth.  I know in the cases where it did happen right in front of me, the person that did it meant no harm, but it doesn’t change that I was outed right on the spot, to people that would have never known otherwise.

When that happens, we can be treated, maybe not as male, but not entirely female either. (Vise Versa for transmen.)  We then aren’t getting the full experience to live as worked so hard accomplish.

What this simply means that, outing someone as trans does more harm then go in smaller situations.  Let that person decide if s/he wants other people to know about them and what they’ve gone through.
After all, you wouldn’t want people to know things about you that you’d prefer to reveal yourself.

Insecurites, We All Have Them

Insecurities, something that comes up in every person’s lives which must be dealt with.  As a person that is transgender, it would be an understatement to say that I have insecurities.  I can pick on myself about quite a few things.  In fact, I am going to go through all that I am insecure about.  (There is a point besides the apparent whining that is implied.)

Height – This is no secret at first site of me.  I am a towering 6’2″ and even in the gender I was born into, I am considered tall.  My identified gender I become quite the figure, being a head taller then other women in the the crowd.  This can be found to be quite discouraging.  Though, this isn’t unheard of, one of my closest friends is as tall as me (if not an inch taller.)  The difference is that she was born into a body that matches her identity.  She has been able to rock this height and has allowed me to be less discouraged by this insecurity.  As a lady that who likes her heels, I know I can be allowed to wear them in not fear, but to go out use this to my advantage.  This goes as far as to have friends who have encouraged me to take on a different role in a photo shoot.  It would be odd not to be behind my camera, but I can’t say that I’m opposed to it.

Shoulder Width – Again a feature that goes well with my born sex.  At a 41″ shoulder, tops and some dresses become discouraging.  Part of this I realize comes from my height and I can play into that luckily.  Other measurements become tease to desires versus what fits.  There are times when I forced into a large piece of clothing when most other measurements allow for a medium.  One can easily blame a their gender-variant body on having to fit into clothes this way.  But in discussing this pain with other people, this again does not limit just women of trans-identity, but can befall cis-women too.  This issue, though can be an insecurity, is one I do share with my cis-counterparts.

Hair Line – Let me first clarify I don’t have a lot of room to speak on this one, as my head of hair is flowing!  But, what I do not like is where the hairline recedes at points on my forehead.  This falls in-line with a masculine hairline. If you note my hairline, right now, it recedes back to where it’s a flat line.  I do what I can to hide this tell of mine with the ways I wear my hair.  But if I pull back into a pony tail or any up-do, it becomes apparent what I am hiding.  I am happy to report here that there is baby hair growing in those tiny areas which will give me a rounder hairline which I am happy about.  Other than that, I can say that a widow’s peak hairline is similar to where it ends.  With that I again become less unique and I am not alone in this one.

Adam’s Apple – This is apparent if you ever hear Grethade’s character voice.  Normally a deep voice would be discouraging to any person going through transition.  On the other hand I have embarrassed this trademark of mine and focused it where it could be used.  A voice can be trained to sound the way you want, in doing this my Adam’s Apple is less evident.  I have even been asked how it shrank.  As far as I can tell it hasn’t, it’s just how it’s held using my voice.  You have to look for it when I do this and I am fairly certain this is not true to just me.  Not only that, there are  cis-women who have respectably lower voices and they too have a larger larynx.  Don’t believe me, find a female singer who’s known for having a lower tone singing voice and just peak at her throat.

Cleft Chin – I have cleft chin which I use to hate!  Words can not describe how often my eyes would go to this and scream, this makes you stand out.  But then I must review with a few of my friends, whom of which are models.  I have seen cleft chins there as well.  I am gifted with a jaw line that isn’t square and that is a bigger issue to make me stand out and be read.  There isn’t much I can say to this feature of mine, but again I am not alone in this.  In fact, there are some rather attractive people with cleft chins; those people roll with it instead of dwelling on it.

Brow Bone – This one gets me the most.  There are times I feel my orbital bones are so apparent.  This is something I seem to pick up on more than others, but it can drive me nuts.  But again it could be worse.  There are men born with a brow bone that is fit for a caveman, women who have pronounced brow bones as well.  I am on the side where cis-women are fighting the same battle. Pronounced, but not overwhelming, brow bones despite being an issue for me can be down played by make up and hair styles.  Guess who is working on her make up to reduce this appearance.

Now this comes back to why would I share this.  These are my tells to tell I am trans.  How evident are they to me?  The answer is quite evident.  For those people who are looking for these tells it is evident.  For those who aren’t and are looking at a presentation, you can never tell and it’s better to not know.  Just the same, it’s just as good for them to see some tells and never know.  I share this with you so you can look at what you are insecure about and look at other people that have that same feature.  There are several folks that hate and despise these tells that belittles their self-esteem, then there are those who say, “screw it” and rock it.  To the latter, it is quite amazing just how many of them are referred to as simply, “beautiful.”